Movie Reviews: Ready Player One, Game Night, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, The Phantom Thread, Loving Vincent

See all of my movie reviews.

Sorry guys; five disappointing movies ...

Ready Player One: From Steven Spielberg, this is a shallow, uninteresting movie is about a guy who plays in a virtual world looking for three Easter eggs, or "keys", so that he can gain ownership of the company that owns the virtual world. While he is at it, others are also looking for the keys, one of whom is a woman who joins him as love interest (along with some other guild members), as well as certain high-financed players backed by people who are willing to kill you in the real world if they discover who you are and that you are a competitor.

Within five minutes of the start of the movie I found myself not caring about the boy or anyone else, since there is zero character development. Astonishingly, the amount I cared continued to drop as the movie went along. I didn't think that was possible, since I already didn't care at all, but I managed to continue to care less and less. I eventually figured out that this was because the score was very good. It cued me into thinking, every once in a while, that something that I might care about was about to occur. Each time, however, this never happened.

The amusement of the movie is supposed to come from a) watching other people play video games, which is a colossal bore (unless the player knows how to fill the time with snarky commentary, as people often do on YouTube), and b) seeing hundreds of throwbacks to 1980s video games and fiction. Unlike recent media in which this worked, such as Stranger Things and even Super 8 to an extent, it did not work here. I didn't get 90% of the references, and, anyway, simply seeing references on screen is not what made those other media good; the other media had good stories. And, I guess, we are supposed to be amused by c) the suspense as to whether the main character will solve the rather obvious and uninteresting puzzles and ultimately find the keys and triumph. Duh.

There is not a scrap of emotion in the entire movie. Someone gets killed at one point, but it's someone who we were barely introduced to and who is not shown as having any emotional connection to the main character. I am really in shock at this. This is the emotionally manipulative director who brought us Jaws? E.T.? Shindler's List? Bridge of Spies?

Whatever. I guess, while it is a useless and dull movie, it is not particularly offensive, at least. Oh wait, it is: at the end of the movie the narrator tells us that we shouldn't be spending all of our time playing video games / in virtual reality, but should instead interact with each other more in the real world. Thanks for that very important message; never would have known that.

One more thing that irritated me: T.J. Miller played the exact same character in this movie that he played in Silicon Valley. I liked it in Silicon Valley, but it was pretty out of place here.

Game Night: This is ninety minutes of one joke, the kind of joke that is funny only if it comes once, unexpectedly, in the middle of an otherwise serious situation, but is not funny when it comes repeatedly for ninety minutes. This is a farcical remake of The Game (1997, Michael Douglas). Instead of a strange combination of gaslighting, pursuit, and trying to figure out what is going on as the terror mounts, in this movie the terror happens, but everyone keeps making stupid jokes. It's supposed to be funny, because they keep making light of things while bad things happen; that's the one and only joke, really. The acting, directing, and cinematography were fine. Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams are always cute.

The movie that did this well is The Man Who knew Too Little (1997, Bill Murray), which was a cute and silly movie. I was appalled enough at this movie to happily walk outside the movie theater twice to answer phone calls (I had it on vibrate, guys). If my friends hadn't been with me in the theater, I would have gone home and not gone back in to the theater to finish the movie. In the movie's defense, my friends liked it. They said that they like to see a mindless, silly movie once in a while (I think that's a slight directed at me and my movie choices).

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri: This is a well-acted, grim piece of midwest Americana. Mildred's (Fances McDermott) daughter was raped and murdered several months ago, but she hasn't heard anything from the police who are busy (according to her) chasing and shooting blacks who aren't really doing anything. So she puts up some billboards that pointedly call out the chief of police (Woody Harrelson) in a low-trafficked area. What makes it interesting is that a) she is actually friends with the chief of police, b) the chief is dying of cancer and should really not be at work, and c) the rest of the police dept doesn't take kindly to this, especially one lunatic racist violent hotheaded police creep. Things come to a boil, especially after the police chief shoots himself.

This movie is relentlessly depressing, representing a lot of the worst aspects of American prejudice, violence, despair, and hatred. Just about nobody supports Midred, not even her son. Interestingly, the lunatic police guy actually makes a kind of (unbelievable) change around two thirds into the movie. This should have given us a bit of hope. However, the movie ends just as bleakly and miserably as it started.

Other than being relentlessly depressing, what actually ruins the movie for me are the multiple acts of outrageous criminal behavior performed by multiple people on multiple occasions, some of it incredibly brutal and most of it performed in sight of multiple witnesses. These acts are done and never have repercussions. And I'm not saying that the bad guys weasel their way out of repercussions, I'm saying that the movie doesn't seem to believe that any reactions by the witnesses or police is expected. What the hell? Is this a video game? While I expect to sometimes find injustice in the system, the system still exists; treating violence like it's just a video game broke the reality of the movie for me.

The movie has compelling performances and some good ideas, but it's ultimately not realistic enough to recommend.

The Phantom Thread: Daniel Day Lewis gives another astounding performance as Reynolds, a dressmaker / bachelor / bully and all around a**hole in 1950s London. He is joined by other great performances by Vicky Krieps, Lesley Manville, and everyone else in this beautifully shot and artfully scripted period piece about a dressmaker who obsessively creates beautiful dresses, but only if his cadre of assistants take care of his other needs and none of them interrupts his "solitary genius" thinking. This genius is, apparently, sufficient excuse for everyone to give him his way, and for him to throw toxic vitriol at anyone who expresses any kind of opinion, presence, or personality. Like a spoiled baby, as one of the other main characters eventually says.

Krieps plays a waitress, Anna, who is drawn to this bully and who follows him to London to be a dress model and eventually a lover. She falls deeply in love with him - because he is such a genius - and even goes and does some of his bullying for him, both - because he is such a genius - and because she hopes he will one day fall in love with her and allow her to butter her toast in his presence without cursing her out. Even taking into account that this is the 1950s, she is really pathetic; in the first two thirds of the movie, not a moment is shown where she has a relationship with anyone else but him. No family? No friends or neighbors at all?

SPOILERS follow, because really you shouldn't watch this movie, and if you do you should be prepared for what happens.

Anna has a little strength in her, just enough to keep wanting him to love her. And so, one day after she suffers great abuse from him, she poisons him, and he falls sick and can't work for the next few days he is too sick to abuse her, so she is happy. And then, he comes back from his illness and proposes to her.

Okay ... but maybe he doesn't know that she poisoned him?

After the marriage, things go back to as they were, obviously, and he begins to heap abuse at her again until one day she overhears him complaining about how he doesn't want her around as she is disrupting his work. So she poisons him again, and this time he knows it and goes along with it. And he loves her.

And that's the movie. Okay...

So this is a sick, toxic (literally) relationship that works for both of them. She is only happy when he is poisoned and helpless, and he, despite his passion and perfection for work is apparently only able to love her when his work is taken from him and he is poisoned and helpless. Apparently he makes the choice to let her poison him. Perhaps he really doesn't want the endless pressure of being a genius after all? It's hard to say, as the screenwriter leaves it a mystery.

Like Whiplash, I recognize great performances and interesting screenplay, but I can't watch it. Who really wants to watch two hours of repulsive people, where the main character is an abusive, horrible person? A little bit of it in a movie adds color. You know that the scriptwriter threw it in for you to not like the abusive character. But, if the whole movie is about an abusive character who doesn't learn the error of his ways, you get the impression that the scriptwriter thinks that we should be entertained by it, or even sympathetic to this toxic white privileged male jerk.

But I wasn't. And I wasn't. I was simply repulsed. And the perfect "solitary genius" who is too important to be bothered with having to be nice to people is a myth.

Loving Vincent: Like a number of other animations I have reviewed, this work is one of astounding, gorgeous animation but also utterly boring. The plot, such as it is, is ... um ... well, there isn't one. A police officer wanders around trying to deliver a letter and asks a few questions about how Van Gogh died. It is all shots, and scenes, and music, and flaccid unimportant dialog. And nothing happens and there are no characters.

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Clockwork Card Dealer - Standard Is This Week's Tavern Brawl - Hearthstone

Clockwork Card Dealer - Standard is This Week's Tavern Brawl

DE: Don't Lose Focus When Building Your Army

Stop making bad army lists!

First, I'd like to welcome a lot of the newer players joining the Dark Eldar.  We got a fantastic new book and there's a lot of things to learn.  However, one of the things I want to warn you about is that Dark Eldar is NOT a beginner's army.  There is a lot of tricks and nuances to the army that when managed poorly, will cause you lose many games.  Take it from me, I started with DE back in 3rd Ed. 40K and I actually received most of the army from a friend that was quitting it.  He warned me that the army was tough as shit and that he was tired of losing.  Thankfully for me, I've always wanted to start playing them and I absolutely love a challenge.  Coming from a competitive RTS background, 40K was basically a Power Point presentation of StarCraft.

OK, fast forward almost two decades and here I am.  Still playing the Dark Kin but with much more experience.  The next couple of paragraphs will be me trying to explain how to be a more successful Dark Eldar player in 8th Ed.  This is something you just have to trust me when I tell you:  The army is very simliar to previous editions, but the edition itself is very different.  Things die a lot quicker now and the alpha damage potential from other armies out there can be just as mind-blowing as ours.  In some cases, it might even be more potent, so you just gotta listen up, check the ego, and brace yourself for something that might sound harsh, but it will win you a lot of games.

STOP losing focus when building your army

This starts at list creation and this is a byproduct of having really cool units and being spoiled by choice.  I'm not saying that Dark Eldar have unit choices up the ass, no, that's not what I mean.  I mean that one of the biggest mistakes that newer players make is building their army in multiple different directions that branch away from their army goals.  Before you build a list, you must have goals in mind.  The goals should not be something as broad as "go kill your enemy", it should be something more specific with the exact tooling that you will need to get the job done.  Maybe it's just my min-maxy ways as a competitive RTS player, or maybe it's my Program Manager genes being tossed into a game, but I'm telling you right now that whatever list you bring, it must have purpose.

What do I mean by this?  I mean if you intend your army to shoot the enemy dead, it must do that and do it very well.  If you want to assault the enemy dead, it must do that and do it very well.  When you start building your list to do a little bit of everything, that's when things go to shit.  The new 40K articles and Realspace Raid requirements for all these little fucking patrols all over the place doesn't make things any better.  I'm absolutely serious about this:  Go read some of my earlier articles where I'm constantly complaining about HQ tax.  HQs, in our army is not very cheap, especially when you look at the Archon and the Harmonculi who are ~70 points.  I wish I can link you guys to some army lists I've seen on the internet so far with naked Archons all over the place without transports.  What's the fucking point?  You're literally spending 70 points for the dude to sit there and look stupid or the rest of the battle.  Succubus are the only HQs I would recommend for a cheaper HQ unit that can do some work, but that's not the point here.  The point here is that your list must be focused to do something well, and do it exceptionally well.  This is why I think that my pure Kabal all shooting army is still my strongest variant of the Dark Eldar and that my Kabal/Cult Succubus whip-my-hair-back-and-forth list is just for fun.  I know that it is weaker because it doesn't do anything exceptionally well.  Remember again, if you pay for something, make sure it does something.

Let's break it down some more.  You can start by looking at the damage potential that the list provides from a firepower perspective and then you can examine it from a melee perspective.  Can your melee components outfight other armies melee components?  I don't think so.  It does a pretty decent job at it, but Wyches aren't exactly a unit I would write home to mom about.  What about shooting?  Well, because you subbed in Wyches, you are taking away from your shooting component so it's definitely not as strong as a pure shooty force.  This makes you extra succeptible vs. the likes of Tau, AdMech or other pure shooty armies with a higher Alpha than you.  This puts you at an immediate disadvantage and forces you into a shooting attrition war which you will almost certaintly lose.  Playing defensive is not Dark Eldar's speciality, and even if they have some units that can do that, they are considered the outlier for what the army IS truly good at, and that's shooting.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all doom and gloom yet.  I will talk about some awesome and cheap melee units that we can bring forth shortly.

Yup, this can be you!

STOP using CPs as list-building requirements

Stay the hell away from those multiple Patrol armies with overinflated HQs.  Do NOT fall into the trap of building up Patrols with a bunch of useless HQs because you want the CP.  That's almost as bad as building a Brigade just to realize that you bought a crap ton of units but don't have the points to equip or use them properly so they end up being fuckall useless once they hit the battlefield.  Remember:  For every unit you buy, make sure it counts for something.  I'm not saying to be allergic to melee or not branch out into Coven units to hold objectives.  I'm saying don't go overboard and be mindful that more you pull your army into different directions, the weaker it will be at doing any one thing.  If you do want to make your army multi-faceted, make sure that it does both of these things as well as it can.  Just don't try to go in all 3 directions that the DE book is painfully telling newer players to do with all this Patrol garbage.

Don't believe me?  Do this:  Try and CP whore and build a Brigade army list for DE, as competitive as you can.  Then show me the firepower that the list can put out with respect to range vs. what the total number of wounds look like with respect to toughness and saves.  I am willing to bet that that army cannot fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.  When I try and ask people why the hell they need CPs as a requirement to build an design armies, they always give me the same piss-poor answer:  CPs win games (thinking multiple uses of Agents of Vect).  Yes, you're correct, well-timed and properly used CPs can win games, but I don't see Agents of Vect shooting or actively killing your opponent's units from the start of the game.  The only thing that can do that effectively are your units and you should not be handicapping yourself by locking into some rigid army structure just for CPs.  Agents of Vect is not going to save your ass from a Admech gunline, so you might as well drop all the shitty MSU Scourges and Reavers that are just going to explode and do nothing for you.  Not to mention you can get close to Bridgade level CPs with some good list tweaking.

Likewise, I'd like to see a triple Patrol list with Kabal, Wyches and Coven in there and it try to be competitive.  It will be decent at best, but never as good as a list with just Kabal/Cult simply because you're trying to do too many things at the same time.  Real talk though, let's take some of my own shit and dissect it on a Haemoculi table.

Check it out.  It starts with an idea, and then I'm going to braindump onto this page:

• I've been throwing out the idea of taking Flayed Skull recently just so I can play with a killy Archon AND a killy Succubus.
• I'm going to accept the risk that I will be losing some firepower in this list, but hopefully two killy HQs will allow me to make up that killing power.  I just need to make sure I can keep this HQs cheap and killy.
• Let's take an existing Skeleton list that I have and then turn it into something that has a strong melee component that has good synergy with the rest of the list.
• The entire army has to move fast and apply good pressure so it can overwhelm the enemy's fire priorities.  It's a go big or go home list.

OK, now let's break this down into actual game terms:

• Killy Archon for me is the Famed Savagery + Djin Blade that can get 8 attacks at S5 AP-3 D3 wounds that hit on 2s with re-rolls to hit.
• Killy Succubus for me is the Blood Dancer + Triptych Whip, Strife and Adrenalight that gives me 9 attacks at WS2+ re-rolling 1s and every hit of a 6 turns into 3 hits with an Agonizer.
• I'm going to trim down as much as I can from my firepower to make room for these badasses and give them a full retinue of Wyches to accompany them in Raiders.
• I need extra weapons and Warlord traits, so I'm going to need more CP to activate Alliance of Agony for the Blood Dancer and possibly more Prizes from the Dark City.
• Now, let's make the entire army move FAST.  Really fast, so we're going full YOLO over here.  Keep in mind that through playtesting, I can move these boats under the Black Heart Spearhead to get those additional FNPs.

1999 // 10 CP

Flayed Skull Battalion +3 CP

HQ:

Archon, Djin Blade, Blaster = 93

Trait: Famed Savagery

Archon, Huskblade, Blaster, PGL = 96

TROOP:

10x Warriors, 2x Blaster, SCannon = 104

10x Warriors, 2x Blaster, SCannon = 104

10x Warriors, 2x Blaster, SCannon = 104

PARTY BOATS:

Raider, Dark Lance = 85

Raider, Dark Lance = 85

Raider, Dark Lance = 85

Raider, Dark Lance = 85

Raider, Dark Lance = 85

+++

Strife Battalion +3 CP

HQ:

Succubus, Adrenalight, Whip = 54

Trait: Blood Dancer

Succubus, Painbringer, Agonizer = 54

TROOP:

8x Wyches, Grave Lotus, Agonzer, BP, Shardnet = 83

8x Wyches, Serpentin, Agonzer, BP, Shardnet = 83

5x Wyches, Hypex = 40

+++

Black Heart Spearhead +1 CP

HQ:

Archon, Living Muse, Agonizer, Blaster, PGL = 94

FLYER:

Razorwing, 2x Dark Lance = 145

Razorwing, 2x Dark Lance = 145

HEAVY:

Ravager, 3x Dinsintegrators = 125

Ravager, 3x Dinsintegrators = 125

Ravager, 3x Dinsintegrators = 125

>>>

Firepower:

9 Dark Lances at BS3+

9 Disintegrators at BS3+

6 Blasters at BS3+

3 Blasters at BS2+

2 Razorwing Missiles at BS3+

3 Splinter Cannons at BS3+

25 Splinter Rifles at BS3+

The TLDR is this:

• Don't branch out too much, you will lose focus and detract from your army goals.
• Trying to be too many things will make your army suck and do nothing well.
• Stop building shitty army lists focused on CPs.  Units win games, not CPs.
• If you must branch, do 2 things decently well instead of 1 thing really well.

I realized this was part-guide and part-rant, but it needed to be done.  Have a good night all.

Seven Game Design Mistakes To Avoid

One awesome video from the Ask Gamedev channel. Seven important points to pay attention during your game designing process explained in a very fun (and didatic) way.



Great content for classes.

#GoGamers